Well I have to say the big day has arrived, and to be honest it's worse than the build up. Maybe I should be happy, grateful even, positive but I'm not. I couldn't get out of bed first thing. Julie eventually woke me around 9.30am which caused me to burst into tears. I felt guilty as she was so excited for me. But I did warn weeks ago I wanted no fuss. Anyway I pulled myself together and began opening cards (16) and presents. That set me off again seeing dad's card which he'd signed bless him. His hands don't work now so it did say dad but almost illegible. I really miss having mum around and dad as he was. I've lost that permanence in my life.
Julie bought me a lovely 1837 map of Northumberland and a reproduction of Jane Austen's Second Book as her short stories were called. I also received a pair of beer mats from Blakey, which my dad printed for my 21st, I remember him doing that. Graham had been clearing his mum's loft out recently and discovered these there, presumably not seen since 1985. I also received Mr Bumble Gnome, knitted by Rosy. It's fantastic, she's so talented. We took it with us to Elworthy Cottage Garden open today under the NGS scheme.
I'd set my heart on coming here on my birthday as I'd never been. When I arrived I realised I'd been here before. Nice to be back then, especially at this time of the year when spring is really gathering pace.
A different birthday then, subdued and a little melancholy. I hope I snap out of this negativity soon, not for me but for Julie's sake. It can't be easy listening to me chuntering on about nothing at all that's interesting. A nice day despite myself, but I still can't abide being 60. Makes me wonder why I continue to write this blog.
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